Why I got so much more done without my phone; the side affect

(We too need to charge. It's not the phones fault, its the self discipline we train and grow without this in our hands and mind)

This is a bit of a strange blog for me, and not one I was expecting to do. It doesn't seem linked to my dance or therapy life but it actually is so much.

The reason.

Sunday 7th April 2019. I had has SUCH A LOVELY DAY, cannot stress that enough. I was home by the evening and sat happily watching a few films. All of a sudden I am overwhelmed and crying my heart out. I was voice noting my best mate in Malta saying how I never really let people in and just spilling everything from my mind. I never have to hold anything back and that was the most important. She made me laugh. What she said most that stuck with me was that 'it seems I am overwhelmed and need some time with myself'. It was like hearing the words I tell others told back to me. And most of the time we don't listen to ourselves. I hadn't realised how much had gone on in the week. 4 exams, new things to think through and the past resurfacing. Sometimes we don't realise in ourself. I decided I needed a day back with myself. No distractions and to get all of this pent up emotion out.

Expectation.

I think i will just get up, and sit in front of the TV watching films. Get bored and restless after a while AS I CANNOT SIT STILL FOR TOO LONG and then wonder why I did all of this. To me it is just a day to rest, forcing my body to stop and recover and stay away from 'triggers' that might cause me to overthink or stress. I'll apologize tomorrow to whoever happened to message but it wont be a biggie. Just my day as a secret.

Reality.

I woke up, quickly checked my phone as I had two messaged I wasn't expecting- all good and positive- replied and then turned my phone over for the day. I knew I had to extend this further and so decided no TV.

I woke up and felt awful. Ill, sore throat and just so exhausted. The kind of exhausted when you feel you have no energy to do anything. So i went with it. I went into the living room- warmed up some pancakes (as they are my favourite and make my day, and is a treat) and focused on the sensation of eating. What it is like. No other distractions. It was weird and I was expecting to freak out as I am not a good person with food and thought the swallowing and amount of chews would out me off. It didn't.

I'm still tired so I just lay on the floor. Not thinking about anything, I began to mobilize all my joints- hoping this would allow my body to relax more. Not quite yoga, not quite dance. This led to a few yoga poses (happened naturally) like a full squat on intense forward bend- poses I knew had lots of physical benefits when performed briefly every day. I lay back on the floor- mind a bit more awake but body still not all there. I began self-massage. Releasing tension from my neck, shoulders, sternum. All of a sudden I am thinking. Its self--care. My mind flicks to lesson plans and upcoming ventures I am preparing for.

I get out my laptop- just a word document and begin writing through what I had done. Introduction to a class. Activity one. Activity Two. Then i have another idea. OK lets write a meditation script. Ok now lets add this idea, lets add this. I have just done an introduction to my psychotherapy class with a theme and any props needed. I know how it feels as I have just done part of it then and the rest at other stages.

Next thing you know I start writing out a letter to offer myself for yoga and mindfulness classes. It isn't a difficult thing to do, but I didn't have it on a checklist to do. It happened. Its organic. I think that makes it better no?

Ok so now as I am on my laptop I can see the time, which went a little against my overall plan but no worry. I am not going to stress about it. I haven't replied to messages. I walk into my room and don't even want to touch my phone.

Now what. Well this blog just happens. Doing some handstands for fun just happens, maybe even a headstand. Its everything I will naturally do but without a stressed aura. I am still a little fuzzy in the head- headchy and that- but I do not feel a need to do or be anything other than I am right now. No measure against I have only done a few of my jobs and lists, no comparison as to how many likes I am getting or when the best time to post something is. NO.

And yes it is important to stay busy, and do everything you want to do but there is a very fine balancing act- one that I am still learning.

So right at this moment, I can hear my phone ring from the other room. Do i give u and get it or not? Normally I will over think everything- but part of self love is doing what you need to do for you. So far I am with myself and yes it would be lovely to meet up with my mate or whoever is ringing, BUT I cannot have any distractions. I need to get back to me. And that means being alone enough with my thoughts to process them, and not be so busy like I was last week that it just crops up very quickly. Make a commitment and follow it through.

I am not planning my day. Which is really strange for me. I am getting back into my eating as I have been so busy my schedule has been off. I am actually eating fruit as well right now as I have grapes in and they are restoring my hydration.

I just sit and go, oo haven;t done my facemask this weeek that will be cute to do. I know I naturally get everthing done, so I am not worried about anything knowing I am ahead of what I need to be. I dont have work today- otherwise I wouldnt be able to fully do this without checking my ohone for the time and relooking at the rota a million times to know I aam in the right place. Once I get settled there though I think ut will be a great start to the morning as once at work you cannot be on your phone AND THAT IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS.

BUT WHY DONT WE HAVE THIS DISCIPLINE OUTSIDE OF 'BUSINESS HOURS'. WE CAN INVEST IN OURSELVES SO MUCH- AND I KNOW I TRY MY BEST- BUT OUR THINKING CAN BE WARPED. I THINK, POST THIS PICTURE OR WRITE YOUR IDEAS AND IT HELPS SPREAD YOUR IDEAS- YES IT DOES- BUT SO DOES 1-1 CONTACT AND THE OLD FASHIONED WORD OF MOUTH THAT I HAVE COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT.

Research

I came across a video on my Instagram feed, of this woman (ILL HAVE TO FIND HER NAME LATER AS I AM OFF MY PHONE) explains how now with phones our attention span is at 8 seconds. 8 seconds. A goldfish gets rumored at 9 seconds. She shows how we cannot get anything worthy done in such a little time. We don't give our brains the space or capacity to fully involve in one task. YOU CANNOT MULTITASK but do a job for a second, switch, switch, and so on.

I just thought to when I blog, often I do it with my phone on the side and break flow. Like right now is just work diarrhea from my mind and its easier. I can invest to write everything I want instead of shortening. When in a dance class, we are fully involved. I am lucky I am a dancer as I know what it is like to have time with just yourself without distractions. But many people done. Yoga its the same- and those who do it merely get 1 hour once a week without a phone in hand.

Its not as easy to put it down when it is a part off society. You carry a phone in case of emergencies or to contact someone but in the midst get distracted with other things. It holds all my music, so if I want to listen to something I will still get notifications.

When my phone breaks, I am always happier. Its just me and my laptop and I can do everything but get distracted. Ill log onto Facebook to talk to someone but i tend not to get distracted by it. I wont do the whole Instagram, Wattsapp... on here. I don't need different platforms to talk to different people. One is enough as I pick who I need to speak to and that is it.

Struggles

I got through most of the day pretty easily, not even wanting to look at it. But when it played a part in my routine it was harder. For instance, every time I leave the shower I take my phone with me as it was playing music, now i don't have that. After a nap, when I re-walked into the living room I had to remind myself not to turn the TV on for background noise.

Phones are part of everything now. I know around 11 I will have to use it to be able to do my language. The tricky part was deciding whether I do my language app during the day and risk checking AND seeing my notifications, or save it to the end. Its the same with my meditation app- though I ended up doing my own today, this is ok.

By about 7 i was wanting some other sounds in my lfie. Didn't even have to be TV but music. I knew not to as they are linked with memories and even the lyrics can alter thinking and I needed a day without any influence. So i kind of just hummed or sung to myself. Influence and preference is always there. Moana soundtrack a million times here we go.

Mind Explosion

I do so much self-development. I try to be the best I can be. But half the time- if i am honest- its to be able to say and connect to anyone. If i know so much I can talk to so many, I can be great. But again there is a fine line between doing something for yourself or for a 'title'.

- I know I personally want to be able to speak 5 languages enough to get by by the time I am 30.

- I want to help people and get into therapy

- I still want to dance and move and do yoga

- I want to dance, move, do yoga and be incredibly insanely fit as a grandma

- I am not a drinking kind of person

- I hate to feel I waste a day

- I love being a big kid- but often wont play anymore. I do- i mean i have a tent but i don't do it half as much as I should

It can be so hard to stay exactly true to you, as we will all naturally bend and adapt around people. Different people bring out different sides of us. This is good. but we also need times without any influences to really stay honest and work on boundaries of what is allowing you to explore more of yourself, or what is pulling you off your right path.

Everything else, all the stresses is to make it livable. But everything will be livable. Just believe.

The Day After

As it is such a normal habit for me, being back on my phone wasn't totally weird- but i didn't want the day to have been in vain. I did notice I was back to posting on Instagram more as I was out and busy. Though, I was not on snapchat or facebook for pretty much the entire day.

It ended up being such a nice and socially productive day which brought me new things I didn't do on my own. Its like the two days were aligned perfectly to bring the best of both worlds.

I was at my diss rehearsal at 11. Had an amazing two hours- then went into town for a massive catch up a day earlier for our breakfast/coffee mate date. I then went straight with another friend where we went around town, between our houses and she even ended up getting a tattoo done. Straight to the gym and I got back into my running, did the stair climber and we had a 15 minute break before she led the Legs, Bums and Tums class at the gym.

I had never done a gym class before and was struggling at the start as it was a type of cardio and energy release that my body wasn't used to. As it went on I enjoyed it more and more. I was so proud of my body. Doing the longest run i have ever (as I DO NOT RUN) and then the climber and a class all before a stretch. I would never have done the class without this social interaction and may not have done the gym at all if we didn't go straight from one thing to the other.

Now I need to find the balance between relax and being pushed socially, and ensuring I have quality time alone to allow emotions and thoughts to fully process and have their day without distractions.