Meditation Journey Week Three

As I'm writing the title in I can hardly believe I am on my third week. I am so proud of myself. Today marks 15 days of using the app everyday.

11.03.19

Before bed, meditation app.

I haven't been doing my candles during the day as much, or my asana practice. I think these are saved for days when I can;t get in another way or my body needs another stimulus. Candles I use for fluctuating moods, and knowing that I was feeling lower today I think its actually a good idea for me to light a candle for 10 mins of self-love and positivity by my bedside before I sleep. So that I will do.

App

The topic today was on 'kindness', but the part I took most from it was that 'you have to learn how to be kind to yourself before you are to others, for then you know how to hold it'. Self Love shows you the way forward, and you cannot heal on an empty cup.

Again we used an imagery technique, but this time it was different and worked so much better for me. Imagining a waterfall of sunlight above your head- running down and filling you up slowly. For me this 'sunlight' became gold glitter that ran down the base of my spine (And I also felt it improve my posture naturally) and then fill inside my body like a sand timer. The time allocated was much more than I needed to fill myself so I imagined overflowing. The best part was that the app voice kept reminding us to 'not think' and just observe it happening. Though this threw me a bit when it was happening, I was able to keep this image going and knew it was now in my minds eye and the less I focused the clearer it was. Knowing myself and that I had the freedom to interpret this instruction however I needed was also very reassuring to me and didn't make me think i was doing something 'wrong' or being judged [even though I was alone in a room].

Again we are reminded to practice this technique in a few seconds a few times a day. Now I have found one a little easier for me I will try and implement it. Once this becomes more 'normal' to me , I will then go back and try the candle burning in the centre of the chest imagery.

12.03.19

Tonights bedtime meditation was on 'balance'. This introductory session introduced the 'sunshine waterfall' and was only a 10 minute session. The talk at the start was about how we need a bit of everything in order to stay in balance, in a stressful environment we need calm and in a calm place we still need a drive.

I am finding that on some sessions my mind and body are almost at relaxed BUT my eyes feel as if they are moving a million miles an hour under the closed eyelid. I'm not quite used to this sensation yet and get quite put odd and grossed out if I'm honest.

I didn't get to the candle meditation last night but will do it during my day tomorrow. I also need to remember to train the imagery technique a few times within the day to strengthen it.

13.03.19

Today I missed my meditation. As in no app, so the 'streak' is gone.

BUT i did my candle meditation today. As i was staring at the candle I realised that I hadn't blinked in a while and was unintentionally doing a Kriya (a cleanse on the body that is trained separately to general yoga but is within the same philosophy). It is basically staring at a candle without blinking until your eyes begin to tear and expel 'bad'. It is said to help with anxiety, depression and other mental 'baggages'. Though I didn't feel any of that then- i felt the most lost into the candle that I had felt before.

14.03.19

Today I was a bad person meditating. I knew I didn't have enough time to 'register' my meditation on my app and so I thought I would follow my own one. This was not as effective- having the 'accomplishment' broken almost littled my motivation (so bad I know) and I did a short meditation where I focused on breath. Realising I needed a 'seed' I recalled from my reading the idea and reasons behind inhalation, retention and exhalation. Inhalation insures that each cell is fully nourished, retention allows this to travel around the body and exhalation dispels any 'disease or dead cells' from the body. These were my thoughts and I felt I was doing good to my body- from not changing anything but my mindset.

15.03.19

Meditating today was SO GOOD. It sound so cliche but I can tell when I am off now when I don't have those few moments to myself without worrying about anything that's going on around me.

I was back on the app today and focusing on 'change'. I did this slightly earlier than I normally do, leaving the candle to just before bed. To say my mind was distracted was an understatement but in this session the idea of addressing the distraction and labeling it was introduced. So if I was distracted by the washing machine I would label it 'sound' and then refocus on the breath, or if I was thinking of a moment earlier in the day I would label it 'memories/thinking'... and so on. This let me think what it was that was really on my mind in a more objective way.

I find i rectify my posture as the session goes on and somehow my breath always cracks my upper back that I cannot crack without someone else doing it for me.

16.03.19

I know last post entry before the week is up and I fell out of a routine. I got back late and was so exhausted, thinking that doing one now I would fall asleep and that's counter-productive.

As good s my evening routine is, I need to learn to be flexible and if i find a free 0 minutes (even if surrounded by people) to do it then and there, and I can always top it up at the my favourite time to meditate- before bed.