Meditation Journey Week One (again)

With it being reading week, this weeks entry will be the beginning on my meditation attempts...again.

Dhyana (meditation) This is a deep state that isnt measured by time or space. It is fully being in one self. The idea of the deeper the water the calmer the sea mimics meditation saying that the more we immerse ourselves into it the calmer we become. Here we find the freedom in the mind as we can release ideas that do not hold true to the true state of us that we have discovered. We have no attachment or cravings.

I tried meditating almost a year ago now to try and help me deal with my anxiety, and I never got into a good routine with it. I think i had a dedicated week and then the second week on/off. The third week never existed.

For me at the time focusing solely on breath made me more anxious and I wasn't aware of other methods then.

I began this journey last week (and as you can tell wasn't consistent) but this weekend has just brought more and more. The universe. So in the course of one day I ended up having 3 conversations about meditation --> initiated by them. If this wasn't telling me to try again I don't know what else was. I also noted how off I was feeling from myself again.

Anyway long story short, I have decided to download a meditation app for the beginning of the journey again to get into good routines. They will send daily reminders and I know I could do this as my mindful one- and get more inspiration for relaxation scripts.

Last week i also began meditating with asanas (poses) and this is something I will continue with daily too. Having one in the morning and one in the evening.

25.02.19

I tried this week with a new asana. The one we were taught two weeks ago was a side stretch, maintaining both feet on the floor. This week i decided to try a new one and went for a harder one balancing on one leg.

Asana meditation is allocating a set time- say 7 minutes- to move as slowly as you can [with eyes closed] and perform one side of the asana. It helps strengthen your knowledge of the body in space, proprioception and balance. When I started this month I noticed where my arms are out of alignment in movement and it gave me a quick realisation and ability to change and I am already seeing this placement more in dance class.

It was A LOT HARDER and i would say that my proprioception and balance were alright. I will continue with this one for as long as it takes to be able to move slowly and seamlessly throughout the asana from start to finish.

I downloaded my app. It offers a free trial, of 10 sessions of 10 minutes. I am doing one on mindfulness and as part of my motivations.

It was really nice to have someone else speak through what to do and the bit that really stood out for me was when YOU WERE ALLOWED A FEW SECONDS TO LET YOUR MIND WANDER IF IT WANTED TO. It is something I will put in my practice as it gives you the freedom and allows you to feel more relaxed. What I found most interesting is that my mind actually didn't wander.

26.02.19

Today I traveled home for the day, and I took the time to enjoy the rare sunshine we get in February.

Sat outside Liverpool Lime Street station with 30 minutes before my train, i plugged my headphones in and begun my guided meditation. This would proably be the hardest and most surreal as I felt I would be consious of touching/watching my stuff, other people watching/judging and the noise of the city. You see I was sat on the steps outside, outside the main station and parallel to a main road and construction work.

It was the opposite. When allowing sounds to come to you, there were more and it was easier to relax knowing there was so much around. Feeling the sun relaxed my body and made me feel like I was in contact with something or someone the whole time. Liverpool i think is so safe, that with the bag resting in between my feet where I could feel it, i didn't give a second thought to where other people were. One in a relaxed state all my outside worries or being watched disappeared, not that I worry that much in the first place, but my humanly socially conditioned level dissipated.

After the meditation, I felt relaxed and that I had done something worthy with my time. Instead of feeling like I had killed some, which i had done, I felt productive and that i took something more than just watching the passersby as I enjoyed music in the sun. It was that plus a bit more. I FELT CALM AND IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE, and so happy.

27.02.19- 28.02.19

AMSTERDAM.

Even on holiday I got some meditation in, but didn't get around to writing about it.

01.03.19

Today was my last day in Amsterdam. We spent our night sat up playing cards, drinking and all that you do in dam. Realising i had about 30 minutes before I didn't do my meditation for the day I played the app out loud as we continued with the game, knowing I would do it for myself when I finally went to sleep. This was my tactic I used when traveling as I found it hard to get the time i needed alone, when out and with wifi whilst wanting to explore the city and be with my friends.

I focused my personal meditation on the sensation of my body with what it is in contact with. It was an idea explored in the app briefly, but something we spend a lot of time doing in dance- especially in floor work classes. Letting my body go and release into the floor was working body first and then relaxed my mind. I believe as I have done this from a mind first perspective I had created enough of a connection between the effected (body) and the effecti (mind) that they could now work in the opposite order. Realxed mind= relaxed body and visa versa.

02.03.19

Ok today I was distracted!

Following the app meditation this evening before bed I found myself muddled with thoughts that weren't full thoughts. It was as if I was heavy with them and clouded, yet they wouldn't stay long enough to know what it was. Like waking up from a dream and trying to recall it. I would tell myself that the fact it didn't stay showed it wasn't important to me yet i was obsessed with trying to recall it.

When in the exercise you can allow your mind to do what it wants, I was trying to force it to go back to this memory and figure our what I was feeling and was going to think about next from the split second it crossed my mind at the beginning of the meditation session today.

I learnt I needed to let it go, and finally began to settle just as the session was ending. I have to trust my mind , gut and energy knows whats best for me.

03.03.19

Todays' app meditation was actually in the morning before an audition day to calm me, then dancing, and then my reflection in the evening (which I have done every day this year so far but forget to include in this).

Today I had an audition for PARTS which even though I didn't get I enjoyed the dancing day and found throughout the process I was leaning more and more to therapy and dance. I Can do a ballet and contemporary class anywhere and still find it just as exciting, and I am less interested in 'names' just quality training. THE AUDITION WAS AMAZING and I left feeling inspired and confident in my abilities.

A lot of movement can be classed as 'mediation' such as yoga practices and tai-chi. This is due to putting our conscious effort into how we are moving our body- mostly calm and in a routine that we are aware of- and then allowing the subconscious to be free or worked upon. A ballet class, which follows a certain structure allows parts of the conscious to become 'used to movement' though a lot is still engaged in learning the phrase and ensuring proper technique throughout each millisecond. Either way, I purged my whole mind into these classes and processes instead of other external energies in my life. Its escapism.

The meditation was guided once again by the app, and was focusing on the connections of the body to the surface below us and breath. I am realising that my favourite part of these are the explanation given before each session 'begins' which describes the breath or a clear sky and lets me put this in symbolic terms into an area I am looking at in my life. This release attitude then carries me through the meditation and then, as a result, into my mind set for the hours after meditating. Today my mind was less cluttered

and was in a grateful mood.

My reflections consist of saying thank you for at least 10 good things that have happened in that day.

1. it makes me realise how long a day can be

2. also how much i do a day

3. is as informal as this which is how i do it in my head 4. it can be the littlest things like 'didn't step in the puddle'

5. works just as good on a bad day

6. on a good day you keep going and going and going

7. takes away from any stress or upset you felt that day and put it into perspective

8. flips your mind set

9. wake up in a more positive and better mood

10. you notice if you are distracted as your mind will wander to any issues you are going through, dwell on them, and then pull yourself out in a good way

This was as far as I got this time last year in meditation, and though I feel I am more at ease this time round I am discovering really what it means when people say IT CHANGES EVERY DAY. Some days you are more calm and collected than others. The main difference is that now I am aware of different ways to meditate depending on my different moods in the day, I am able to meditate better on my 'worse' days. Keeping it up, having an alarm on my phone to remind me (which I have applied to all my to-do jobs which helps me remember and stress less) gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment from doing a simple 10 minutes that makes me feel better for the whole day.

I'm determined to stick at it this time round.

KEEP UPDATED.