I WAS WRONG- dance ed.

I have been back at University for two months, and though coming back has come with its struggles it really allows me to take an objective look on everything.

The intensive audition for instance was a perfect place to see all three years moving in one room, the amount of people I have had speak to me about ERASMUS with interest instead of the interest seen in other years (BREXIT I HATE SO SAY I THINK IS PUSHING MORE PEOPLE INTO EUROPE WITH A HOPE FOR A CONNECTION OR AN EXEPERIENCE WHILE WE CAN) or even hearing feedback over the year groups on the course.

With age you can always look back and see how things could have been but it is all in memory which will forever be tied to how you felt THEN, but this unique opportunity to come back is letting me re-visit memories as close as I can.

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Third edge for instance ws a place i HATED. I would cry during class and ended up not coming back throughout all of second year. Now when I came back I thought everything was different but I am reassured by my closest friend that the teaching is the same. Sitting out one lesson I could see how simpler the steps seem than when doing (we know its harder than that) but I know that the exercises and style are consistent. EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE TO PLACE AND EXPEIRENCE. I had none and struggled and didn't know how to reach out for help and fell in to a downward spiral of negativity. I see I came into the same/similar situation when attempting to learn ballet in Malta in the first few months. I was way behind everyone and not understanding but because its what I really wanted I had to fight through. From thinking the teachers saw me as useless I ended up really close to them and speaking through all my improvements and being told I am very enthusiastic and they have seen my efforts throughout the course of the year.

I was wrong about people. Yes each year has issues and I am walking into another strange one, but you look for the good. Look for the world you want to be in.

The course I struggled not having enough practical, but is a sacrifice made to be joint honours- I loved the opportunity to get this training abroad and now that has brought with it confidence and sense of self- even though I am not needing it this semester I have it stored and assisting my body everyday.

ADVICE

Everything could genuinely be shit- falling apart and make you sit there and question if you could ever be a dancer, doing anything let alone with big companies and productions. Even if it is, it wont be forever. Pour everything you can into what you want- as everyone started as a beginner, maybe not having anything innate to them. In a year when you have grown you will see everything differently.

1. you pay for classes (again I highly doubt your teacher hates you) but as a result they have to give you everything you need to develop- you can ask for help and they cannot say no.

2. MAKE SURE IT IS YOU WORKING HARD. IF YOU ARENT CRYING OVER IT- YOU DONT WANT IT ENOUGH. IF YOU ARENT STRUGGLING GROWING YOU ARENT PUSHING ENOUGH

3. Take a breath and trust that everything will turn out alright, try your best ad know that if someone is annoying you- they could be trying their best too. They may not be where they need but there is nothing more they can do so give them a break. Same for you. You aren't there yet but you will be as long as you try your best