Malta 2018- week twentysix

Monday

From the way release is taught, I have found out I got into the habit of dancing for others and feedback instead of -not ignoring but- doing what I wanted to explore in class. At the end of the day its my time. Towards the end of class, I was fed up being ‘ignored' (a passing feeling) and started moving innate to me and my limits to which I got my first ever ‘well done'. Regardless if I got it or not at this mental place I was happy and improving by being a teacher to my complex needs. I really enjoyed from this moment on feeling in control and powerful, like the last 2.5 years of studying have fallen into place.

After ballet, I am feeling so much more confident and built strong relationships with the teachers even after at first feeling outcast for not being as technical. My hard work is paying off as I am no longer at the back of the class struggling but having areas I am very strong in, but developing and increasing skills (including turn out), and have a professional rapore with my lecturers.

Once home, I had a long to-do list but felt accomplished getting them ticked off. I finished my day by starting my personalized fitness plan to develop my external rotators, specific to my knee, for my turn out (vastus latralis).

Tuesday

I really enjoyed the release class today, I felt in flow and we even had chest rolls in our choreography which was a new daring move to try and put into my repertoire. I’m hoping to have it solid by the end of the week.

In ballet, we take pauses to watch other ballerinas for inspiration and quality (something I need to get into a habit of doing as I know practically no one in the ballet world [soon I will create a blog list of my favourite and their qualities to embody]). Once we got into body conditioning with the daily focus on our arms, I could see how much I had improved and managed to do half pull ups (when I came to Malta I lost my ability to do them when I was training silk every week). GOAL, to have my strength back now I know how quick it really is lost.

Our module choices for my final year at Edge Hill were released and I am SO excited, now I know how to move my body more efficiency and still learning the release\tension battle I am ready to work alongside more professional practitioners in their field. I am so grateful for this year I’ve had and now have a summer to work and achieve as many of the goals I have laid out for myself as possible.

In addition to my very busy and news-packed day, I have been invited to help in some site specific work looking at the relationship between dance and sounds, as well as a ticket to watch one of my ballet teacher’s work, Dorian Mallia, on Saturday that I will be seeing with my beautiful dancers.

Wednesday

Before even getting to class I felt weird and out of my body, then the tailored class to be I tense upperbody dance conditioning did not help. We did a range of cartwheel phrases that got me so dizzy (I never knew you could actually train to not be dizzy), back walkovers (being the ones I CANT do) and handstands. For me it wasn't a lack of strength but of believe in myself and my body.

A little delayed into contact improvisation, we had an impromptu class looking at reconstructing a series of lifts. We had in our group of four a non-dancer but managed to explain things clearly and have someone spot for safety. Initially I was lifted, but I even managed to convince one of the most scared girls to be lifted by me- who was shocked that I was just as capable. Small doesn’t mean weak- my strength is there but isn’t shown. I spent the rest of my day deciding what new tasks to undergo.

Today I uploaded TOmeTOseeTObe that you can see at https://m.YouTube.com/watch?t=1s&v=PEptQcDkwA4

Thursday

I am dead, my core is in agony (a feeling I haven’t had for a while) and my brain is not focused. Considering I had a great day.

Our release teacher was off sick, so all years joined for a ballet class. I videoed some of the exercises and saw my improvement and see when I am calm I look like the dancer I want to be (in ballet [minus leg height]). I got to spend the class singing along to pop songs and with my favourite people.

We then all joined for a contemporary class focusing on spirals. With our eyes shut we were handed spiral pasta and asked to explore it with our hands. I had never looked at it before- but again the imagery clicked and ways of spiralling in and out of the floor made sense. And again, the class ended with everything that scares me in dance, barrel turns and handstand variations. I NEED TO BUILD MY CONFIDENCE ASAP AND USE THE MUSCLES I HAVE.

In body conditioning, it sounded amazing but honestly I wasn’t with it. We did 10 minutes of non stop dancing round the room and 10 minutes of core work. I have never not danced so much in my life.

My day ended with the healthier performer module, where we discussed our fitness research and then went onto the lecture about nutrition. I always knew I hadn’t been eating as good this year and that being vegetarian in a high fish society would be tricky but to hear facts about types of vitamins mainly found in animal that I would be missing was scary- and then that the supplements were tablets(I have a huge fear) was even worse. I learnt new recipes for homemade sport drinks that are better for you (will post this week) and the effects of a females menstrual cycle on bone health in the future.

Leaving the scary stuff aside, my tutorial was so inspiring as I talked through my abnormal body and it’s relationship to turn out. I HAVE BEEN PLIE-ING INCORRECTLY THIS WHOLE TIME. Most people do its okay. Where I was having tension was me rotating with the wrong muscles and putting the weight into my legs. A plie is about (as the rest of ballet) lifting the torso off of the bottom half and to stay on the balls of your feet. I will adapt my fitness plan to add imagery to help this idea and posy a video in the coming weeks.

Friday

This long weekend could not come quick enough. We had our ballet class with Dorian, where i think he was trying to kill us. Normally we are taught one exercise at a time- but not today- we had our plies, tendus and jetes taught in one go and then executed straight one after another. And here i was hoping for a chilled day.

Improvisation today, took a scientific turn looking at central fugal force (the force that makes us slow down or speed up, in a dancers case depending where we place our limbs). This week has definately been testing my dizziness, with us travelling across the studio turning from one of our six limbs- arms, legs, head and tail- before trying and creating new tango-based turns. We even tried the Tourvil and Dean dancing on ice headbanger.

In photography, we explored the functions of our camera and exposure and aperture- which i had played with when on my prison trip in Gozo- so i was knowing my camera and helping others get to grips with their make and model.

Finishing a little earlier, I was in Valletta with 1.5 hours to spare before my YouTube conference, so did a little window shopping. I always complain i don't have enough 'human clothes' then when i get to look i find myself drifting into Sport shops for new leggins or sweats- I guess i am destined to dress like a dancer for my life. The conference was amazingly set up- with famous YouTuber guests talking about their experience, but my talk ended up being pretty basic and not quite what I expected. I know it's a matter of producing good quality products and being consistent waiting for a following to grow. I am ready to freelance and produce work but that doesn't mean the thought isn't still terrifying.

Saturday

TOmeTOseeTObe was uploaded into a competition at https://www.artform platform.com so please LIKE, SHARE, COMMENT and get this important topic spoken about.

Even when I try to relax I CAN'T. I was up at 8am thinking it was much later, and straight up working on my dance projects. That's how you know you love what you do, and one day will get somewhere with it.

I have altered my fitness plan with some new revelations on turnout that i will share on my YouTube channel on this LONG WEEKEND. Stay updated and search TAMMIEDANCE.

Tonight, I travelled back into Valletta to watch a showcase of emerging Maltese Choreographers. I swear i live at VCT at the moment. I got into Valletta earlier and had lunch with one of my dancers as we caught up about the last few days. When at the theatre I was amazed by how diverse the audience was, seeing very few students. This leads me to believe more that the dance scene in Malta really is growing- it was amazing.

The 5 pieces were so different to one another, and I even LOVED my first ever FUNNY DANCE ABOUT MEERKATS. Seeing my lecture Dorian dance as well, was a new experience yet enjoyable seeing the diverse roles he played. The dance scene in Malta is very solid but you can see the same people connected in most projects- it would be great here if you worked well with everyone but if you didn't like one person i think it would be very detrimental to your career here.

After the show, dancers from each year of our course went out for a drink o celebrate St Patricks day, and are even trying to organise our years work to be put into a showcase at VCT.

Sunday

With Monday off, it feels like a Saturday.

Today is a day of Yoga, fitness plans, filming and editing. I really find that after one day off dance I am itching to get back into a studio and missing Edge Hill's open studios. I will try to learn new moves and poses on my yoga mat in my room and excited for the USPA performing arts fair on Tuesday where we can participate in Yoga classes and improvisation.

Easter Holidays, Poland and going back to the UK are coming QUICK,