Malta- week twelve

Monday

Another week, another blog.

I am still dealing well with the ritual of days, knowing each morning will more or less be ballet and Cunningham. I did greatly miss contemporary last week as it is the perfect class for me to get sway from feeling bottom of the class and into more comfortable vocabulary and way of moving. As much as I say this I don’t want to be labelled as just a contemporary dancer, but one in many styles. Today in both ballet and Cunningham ( we had the same teacher) we were told to make everything more contemporary as if that is our only route. I know I will probably never be in the royal ballet but I enjoy training in a style the way it was intended and freeing myself from my safe contemporary way to move.

I keep having a range of really positive “i have really progressed “ days and then ones where I feel the world is telling me to not dance. This is a sensation I have never had so dramatic as it is as the moment, but knowing how my choreography is going I reassure myself on my goals and skills to keep going. NEVER LET ANYTHING DULL YOUR SPARKLE.

In dance theatre, we had a lecture on the use of voice delivered by a professor in the theatre department. For me the class helped me to more understand my singing voices when I sing along and drum for Lee but nevertheless was a very useful exploration.

Tuesday

Possibly one of my hardest days in dance in terms of motivation. Techniques were just not worming today, I was wanting g some praise and I felt insufficient for not being trained at an earlier age.

After an amazing tutorial about TOmeTOseeTObe (upcoming piece) I now have more potential venues to perform and ideas to expand on.

I spent my evening under the most magical Christmas lights watching Lee busk. I needed to get out of the ‘dance environment’ and step into music for hope and drive.

Wednesday

Thursday

This week for me emotionally keeps getting worse. Its hard to stay self-motivated forever and remind myself why I am here. I will be putting a video up this week on my YouTube channel of support and ways to get through this. Sometimes you need to reach out, or take a break and there’s no shame. Do what you need to keep loving dancing. I will try to give some of my tips and ideas to he through, but you can always contact via social media or email if you need to talk through dance frustration and I will do my best to get back to you ASAP.

For me, this blog and choreography are what keep me in touch with me. Who I am and what I will carve for my future. I realised today how much I am enjoying learning about dance and creating and that is helping me to know what my style and preference is.

Friday

Open ballet class was just what I needed. I always smile when surrounded by my dancers and feel much more comfortable and confident. We worked on ways to improve turn out and added more to my daily exercises.

Partnering was developed from previous classes, where we are now setting the exam piece. Its contemporary and I love it. Finishing so early today (11:30) and being in a positive atmosphere has really helped me to realign. I was at the point this week that i would go home in tears saying how I shall never dance again. I’m sharing this as everyone says its normal but I had never been so low. Checkout my YouTube channel searching tammienawathe or tammiedance to find a video of me explaining all of this and helping in anyway I can.

This evening, I headed into Valletta to Lee with ‘Opening doors'. They are a dance group in Malta that tailor class and performances to ‘disabled' people. It was lovely to be back in that environment (like where I volunteered and helped in Lancashire in ‘Twinklehouse) and to know where I will be co-managing the April performance.

Yesterday, in the afternoon, we were told of Valetta2018’s collaboration to build an opera each year for the next three years needing dancers. Unfortunately I cannot make the 2018 performance as I will be in my final year, but have put myself forward to be in the 2019 production which has potential to tour the globe. If all goes well, I am thrilled to be going straight into such an amazing opportunity straight from graduation.

December month is clearly giving me some luck and good wishes. I hope I haven’t jinxed it.

Saturday

Today was our last Saturday rehearsal, which we got through so much. The mood and feel of the performance is now shining through and our time is spent between dancing and discussing our ideas and opening up.

I’m very happy with how the piece is coming together and know we will find another rehearsal slot to prepare and practise in the performance space.

Sunday

Sunday is and always will be reading and essay day. I am currently analysing gnosis by Akram Khan and enjoying finding out how and why it was put together. I have always had to send over my personal corrections for the Cunningham class and in there I found the strength to admit I was struggling last week and put what I will do to aim to get more involved and happy again in that class.

I am now going home for Christmas and booked my flights today. I am beyond excited to continue family traditions and go to Wales to see my grandma.