Malta- week nine

Monday

Mondays motivation didn’t last long, not going to lie. I started class strong and was recording the bar sections ready for exams. I dipped once new material was added that I struggled picking up and then sought after reassurance on my previous work. Sometimes, no matter how good you are, you need a pick-me-up.

I CAN PROMISE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE HERE READING THIS, YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES. I am going to be writing a blog soon about starting dancing at a later age so if this is you stay tuned.

Be proud of your accomplishments, you know them more than anyone else.

Keep working hard even if its on the walk home with your headphones in.

Stay true to feelings, dance with your heart and you will get through anything.

After accomplishments and room for development in my morning technique classes and my body conditioning, I was re-entered into the creativity of choreographing.

Dance theatre today took its time to look at each solo individually and show what stuck in the audiences mind and read well. Everyday, I am feeling more and more competent as a choreographer and excited to showcase my work.

After a stressful few days, I came home to candles and a bouquet of flowers. Lee teaches me to relax and remember to live in my life too. We chilled out watching romcoms and eating a homemade chilli before I do my essential tasks before bed. I have learnt today that anything can be turned around, whether dancing or a generalized mood- you just have to re-align with yourself.

Tuesday

I got through my phase of feeling bad today, which only lasted around half an hour, and went into Cunningham with a weight off my shoulder. In the break, I sat an watched the recordings I made of barre work the day prior. Where I messed up did not look as bad as it felt and from an outside perspective it seemed as though forgetfulness and frustration were taking over. On the inside I felt how hard I was working and getting frustrated at missing parts of technique.

A saying was mentioned that day in class that I felt appropriate to myself today “you may be working hard but you are not trying, there’s a difference “. I am working constantly both physically and mentally at university and at home buy as soon as I struggle I take a second of doubt to look around and try again. This is the moment that makes me stand out in a negative way. I was always told to compose yourself before getting into a rut but am now understanding the internal\external relationship and how it can be thrown off in a second. I’m not going to lie I think this will be a hard month for me in ballet.

This month is the transition from doing and not seeing all flaws, to knowing so much more than isn’t in me yet physically. I have to trust that WHAT IS BUILT TO BREAK US WILL MAKE US STRONGER THAN BEFORE.

After class and home, Lee and myself headed into Valletta where I brought a new positive attitude jumper. Its pink for Wednesday.

Wednesday

With my new jumper I am ready to take on the day. I love contemporary and moving through and off the floor. Today we worked on shift of pelvis positions, and restructuring how to move the body from the bones giving a calm structure. I noticed how I move where my body takes me, which is why when doing classical training I used to get called ‘messy’ as it was about finding the differences in quality. I am a bone dancer that when comfortable steals some energy from the muscle level, but not enough to sustain.

After speaking to my teacher yesterday about my frustrations in ballet he has arranged to give us all written feedback and the arm and leg relationship in most transitions. For me this is so helpful as I learn by doing, rather than watching, and so miss some visual clues as I’m focusing more on the footwork. This is the teacher I want to be. Find teachers that help when you are brave enough to be vulnerable. Go that extra mile.

In rehearsal today, we spent more time discussing the sensitivity of the issue which I will do with my dancers during gentle contact to get into the role of the character.

I am definitely feeling more positive and trying today, after contemporary where I can physically see my strengths as a dancer and knowing everyone goes through the same. I’ve been clawing through a low week and a half and now racing at the glimmer of light ahead where my development will shine.

Movement analysis we explored Bartenieff and embodied her fundamentals with breath. Here in Malta the blend of practical and theory in afternoon lectures are just what I need to understand and experiment with new ideas. I am finding more expansion in my ribcage and connecting my head and tail to one another. If you are unfamiliar with her theory I advise you to read my blog post on ‘Laban in therapy' to read about her and where the ideas came from.

Thursday

First of all, can I say how grateful I am to here that you guys are reading my blogs and keeping up to date. When I have had people message saying they are reading, it has just added an extra shimmer to my week. THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. I have also been blessed with my amazing lecturer at Edge hill, Michelle, messaging and keeping in contact with what’s going on. After a deflated week I have come through with more clarity and feeling the support of those around me.

My long day turned out to be not as long. After ballet (which I SMASHED- from watching my videos before class started so everything was fresh and allowed me to work on technique and not memory) and rep learning in Cunningham, my afternoon lecture was cancelled. This gave me a perfect opportunity to head up to the rooftop bar (above the studios that I had not visited) and get all my tasks for the day done. I am currently sitting with a cheese toastie overlooking ruined stone walls and the greenery that has emersed around it. I am definitely feeling more relaxed this week which is seeing improvements in class work.

This evening, I am back in Valletta with collective performance before ending the evening having a few drinks at Lee's hotel with the Swedish guests on their last day.

Friday

Today I woke with everything aching, even after hours of massaging throughout yesterday’s classes. My inner thighs are on fire- I'm doing something right! We had notes written on us in ballet and I got through the whole class calm, even when getting corrections when moving or not understanding the coordination. I had a deeper understanding knowing my aim for each routine.

It was my second class of first aid, and it was spent practising CPR. The class ends up being more and more in Maltese and me understanding from context. Don’t et me wrong the lecture is in English but questions and answers were in Maltese so I’m hoping to be able to understand most conversations in context at the end of the year.

Home at two, I ended up passing out on the sofa. It hit me how tires I was this week and how much work i did, yet I did not feel it until I was done. Even though my body was exhausts my mind was still free. I wake up about an hour later and me and Lee head into Sliema to get me some waterproof boots. My trainers grip have completely worn out (I must be exercising a lot) and they are not waterproof during stormy spells. I am now the proud owner of a beautiful pair of booted blocked heels (enough for day to day wear but pretty enough to dress up for Paceville). I am aiming to invest in new running trainers in the Christmas sale.

Tomorrow I am beyond excited to start new choreography in the studio before holding my rehearsal and putting it to the beginning music.

Saturday

My rehearsal today was very productive. I am already looking at having too much material for what is required. This means after next weeks I can really refine the piece and work for more clarity.

The current third year students have been on tour with 3 piece of dance work, and are showcasing them in Valletta tonight. We all were given the opportunity to get free tickets to watch, which is a great opportunity to be emersed in Maltese dance culture. However, I have been feeling under the weather and run down with a lack of reading week and decided to not attend with my dancers (as they were planning a night out after). This weekend will be of resting and studying before another busy week ahead.

Sunday

Noting more than films, snacks and ringing home.